


"For No One"

by Spnsami331



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Leviathans, Purgatory, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22280887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spnsami331/pseuds/Spnsami331
Summary: What happened to Castiel after he left the bunker in 15x3? What is really bothering Dean?Inspired by "For No One" by the Beatles
Relationships: Destiel
Kudos: 8





	1. "No Sign of Love Behind the Tears"

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> I do not own Supernatural or the Beatles :(

Chapter 1  
"No Sign of Love Behind the Tears" 

"I'm dead to you now."  
The words were venom in Castiel's mouth, burning his lips as he spoke them. The fact that they bore truth did little to assuage the pain they inflicted on both of them. It was a pain so great that they could not even look at each other.  
Cas knew what had to be done. Yet, he was not sure that he could bear it. He could not even begin to imagine what his life would be like from then on out.  
When he managed to steal a glimpse of Dean, the sight almost tore Castiel apart. Tears pooled in Dean's soulful green eyes, but he allowed none to leak. Nothing in all of God's creation hurt Castiel more than when Dean suffered.  
In the short time they'd known each other, Castiel had done almost as much harm to Dean as he'd done good. His intentions for Dean were never less than best, but the road to Hell was not paved with bad intentions. Perhaps they would both be better off, somehow, some way.  
For the life of him, Castiel could not understand how humans could lie with such ease. Dean did it for a living, tricking police officers and hustling pool. But Castiel, he couldn't even fool himself. This was not good for him in any way whatsoever.  
As he started to leave, Castiel took one last look at Dean. Sorrow puddled in his eyes, uttering the words Castiel longed to hear but that Dean's mouth would never speak. Castiel searched Dean's eyes for any signs of love, but, as had been the case since Mary's death, Castiel saw only misdirected anger.  
As an angel, and the angel meant to protect Dean at that, Castiel could sense Dean's thoughts. Dean did not want Castiel to go, but he did not want to be around the angel, either. Also, Castiel could hear Dean's pride warring with his emotions. Dean would never ask Castiel to stay.  
So, Castiel ambled out of the bunker, and Dean did not try to stop him. But a Coldness swept over both of them like a February wind when they separated, freezing them like they'd never felt before. Even inside the bunker, Dean could feel the chill enveloping his body. All he wanted to do was lay in his bed beneath layers of blankets.  
Outside, the Coldness made the Kansas winter seem like summer in Miami to Castiel. He gasped for breath against bitter air, even though angels did not need to breathe. His heart felt as though it were a concrete block sinking into a dirty black river.  
To block out the irritating sensation in his heart, Castiel tried to focus his mind on practical matters. What would he do now? Where would he go? Heaven was not an option. He would have to stay on earth, and find a purpose for himself without Dean, Sam or Jack.  
But not that night.  
Much as he tried, Castiel could not ignore his heart. In all his years with the Winchesters, he'd seen the damage Dean, and to a lesser extent, Sam, had done to themselves by discarding their emotions. Prior to meeting the Winchesters and experiencing life as a human, Castiel could move like a well oiled machine, a perfect soldier of God. That was no longer possible, and he understood that.  
Although he surmised that the Coldness was more within him than outside of him, Castiel decided that he needed a warm bed for the night. He opened the door to the Rojo Roof Motel, trying not to let it remind him of all the hotels he'd stayed in with Dean and Sam before they'd learned of the existence of the bunker. Granted, this was a much nicer place than most of the ones the boys stayed in. The lobby boasted a little coffee bar with muffins and fresh fruit, large leather couches in front of a flat screen TV, a desktop computer and small tables equipped with checkers boards and playing cards.  
Behind the desk, a girl held a phone to her ear with her chin and clacked away on her computer. She was a pretty young woman with long black hair, big brown eyes and oversized earrings that touched her shoulders. Her uniform shirt was unbuttoned a bit too low to be professional, and Castiel caught a glimpse of the white gold cross ✝ around her neck and the tattoos on her chest and arms.  
When she hung up the phone, she grinned and motioned for Castiel to approach. "Hello! Welcome to Rojo Roof! My name is Paula! How may I help you?"  
"Hello Paula," Castiel said. He was polite but unable to match her enthusiasm. "I'd like a room for the night, please."  
Paula tapped some buttons on her computer.  
"I have a room with a king bed or two queen beds for $100, or I have a king suite for $200," Paula offered.  
"The king bed is fine," Castiel mumbled.  
It wasn't as if he was actually going to sleep, or that anybody would be joining him. Part of him still didn't even get why he felt such a powerful urge to come here in the first place.  
With a nod, Paula clicked the mouse. "Okay, I need your ID and credit card, please." Castiel obliged, and she typed his information into the computer. "Okay, Mr. Jones, you're all set. You're in room 232, upstairs overlooking the pool. We have hot breakfast here every morning from 6-9. If there's anything you need, just call the front desk, alright?"  
Castiel thanked her and took his fake items and his room key. Paula smiled and waved as he exited the lobby, but he could not bring himself to reciprocate. Putting one foot in front of the other seemed to drain all of his energy, and he wondered if he would even make it to his room.  
His room was much nicer than most of the places he'd frequented with the Winchesters. The bed was enormous, quite unlike the twin beds back at the bunker. The sheets had no cigarette burns. Everything was clean and modern, the large plasma TV in particular. Castiel couldn't help but picture how much Dean would love watching a football game on it. The bathroom was spotless, with a big bathtub. Perhaps hot water would rip the Coldness out of him.  
No. All Castiel wanted to do was lie in the bed.  
So Castiel curled up beneath the warm covers. The heater rattled on, but still the Coldness engulfed him. No, it wasn't Coldness. It was Emptiness. A hole that no material in Creation could fill. Castiel began to pray for Death, the only way to ease this immeasurable pain. But it was then that Castiel realized that he would never die. When he'd made the deal to save Jack, the Empty had told him that It would come from him when he was truly happy.  
But Castiel would never know true happiness again. So he would live forever, carrying a weight that even the infinite strength in his shoulders could not bear. Part of him cursed the day he was assigned to rescue Dean Winchester. Part of him damned the day that beautiful, wretched man taught him how to feel. How blissful it was before Castiel could hurt.  
No. With Dean Winchester, Castiel had known friendship forged out of similarities and challenges, not blind obedience; and forgiveness for mistakes as opposed to smiting. With Dean Winchester, Castiel had learned goodness that was worked for, that often fell short but never stopped trying. With Dean Winchester, Castiel had experienced something that angels were not allowed to feel: Love.  
No. For all of the pain in the world, and this felt like being stabbed over and over with angel blades while trapped in holy fire, Castiel would never dream of sacrificing his decade with Dean Winchester. Humans always said that time heals all wounds. At some point, he would feel better, though never as joyful as he was with the Winchesters. Until then, he would just have to muddle through this Coldness and Emptiness.  
Muddled. What a perfect word for it. Castiel's mind was muddy and confused. Nothing made sense. Dean had acted as if he no longer needed Castiel, and he'd said that Cas was the reason that so much went wrong in their lives. He even went so far as to blame Castiel for Rowena's death, not even caring about the imminent danger posed by an all powerful demon. But it couldn't be so. Castiel needed Dean like the sun needed the moon. Surely Dean must have felt the same.  
Once, Castiel had read about the five stages of grief that humans went through after the death of a loved one. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. After Mary's homicide, Sam reached the Acceptance stage. Dean never moved past the Anger stage. That had to be the reason for the distance between them. Dean just had to still need him. He just had to.  
A few thoughts of Sam squeezed themselves into Castiel's mind in between numerous thoughts of Dean. Never once had Sam blamed Castiel for Mary's death. Even though he'd lost his mother as well, he could see beyond his anger and sadness. Sam understood that neither Cas nor Jack had ever wanted anything to happen to Mary. In fact, Sam always gave Cas the benefit of the doubt, and he was always patient with Castiel's errors.  
Yet, Castiel had never cared for Sam the way he did Dean. Oh, he loved Sam, and he was always there for him. But it wasn't the same. Perhaps it was the profound bond that he shared with Dean. Perhaps it was much more than that. Still, he wished that he'd been more appreciative of Sam. Sam would never, ever make him hurt like this.  
Castiel's mind ached from all of these conflicting ideas. He rubbed his temples, but it did not help. With his eyes opened, he saw how intolerably alone he was. When he shut his eyes, he saw Dean's heart broken look as he left him; the look that would haunt him for all eternity.  
The neon clock glowed 1am in red letters. Castiel could not stand another second of this. He dragged himself out of the bed and out the door. At first, he considered finding a liquor store to drink. That sure helped dull the pain of God leaving. But when the buzz wore off, only Dean could take the sickness away. Castiel did not want to go through that again, especially without Dean. 

Chapter 2  
Paula

None of the nearby businesses in this sleepy midwestern town were open at this time of night. The only light was coming from the hotel lobby. That might work. There was a TV in there, and he wouldn't be alone.  
The lobby was eerie and silent at that late hour. The TV was on at a very low volume, showing a black-and-white movie from the forties or fifties. The bright lights in the middle of the dark night somehow made the room seem unnatural and uninviting. Yet, Castiel could think of nowhere else to go, so he stepped in.  
"Welcome to Rojo Roof Motel! How may I… oh, hello Mr. Jones!" Paula the innkeeper cheered. She pressed her finger onto the page of her book and closed it.  
Mr. Jones? Oh, yes, it was his fake ID: John Paul Jones, like the singer from Led Zeppelin. Dean loved Zeppelin. He sometimes used the ID of John Bonham. Cas would not let himself think on that.  
"Hello," Castiel said, pasting on a weary smile.  
"Is there anything I can help you with?" She asked.  
Rubbing his neck, Castiel answered, "I can't sleep. I'm…" There was something about her kind smile. Castiel couldn't help but tell her. "... Lonely."  
Paula nodded. "I'm happy you came here. I'd sure love the company."  
"What are you reading?" Castiel inquired.  
"Supernatural by Carver Edlund. It's so scary," Paula said. Castiel winced, and she frowned. "You're not a fan?"  
Castiel shook his hand. "No, I… I just got a pain, that's all. I love Supernatural. Which one are you reading?"  
Paula showed him the cover. "Bugs. Have you read this one?"  
What a relief. Castiel was not mentioned in this book, as he had not yet rescued Dean from Hell. That meant she might not figure out the truth of his identity. It wasn't that he was ashamed in any way. He just was not up to explaining anything about Chuck. Chuck, his Father, who had killed Jack right in front of him, who'd chosen to end the world in order to spite Castiel, Sam and Dean: Castiel did not want to talk about it.  
"It's a good one," Castiel stated.  
"Yes it is," Paula agreed. "But scary. A swarm of bees is after Sam and Dean." When Paula shivered, Castiel felt safe enough to do the same. "I'm writing a paper on this for my Lit class."  
"You're in college?" The girl nodded. "What are you studying?"  
"I'm majoring in Religious Studies. I graduate in May, and then I'm going to Gettysburg to Seminary." Paula's eyes sparkled as she described her dream.  
Castiel's heart was heavy for the girl. The joy on her face was beautiful. Yet, there was so much she did not, could not, know. The God she was dedicating her life to had started another Apocalypse, and He took off when His children needed Him most. If Castiel and the Winchesters didn't find a way to stop Chuck, everyone would die long before Paula could hold her Bachelor of Arts Degree in her hands. Unbeknownst to most creatures, Chuck could be a petty, insecure Being who cared more about a good story than the lives of the characters in His novels.  
But Castiel kept all of that to himself. Paula was too lovely to let down. She deserved to chase her dreams as long as she could. So, he congratulated her, and she thanked him.  
"So, which Supernatural book is your favorite?" Paula asked.  
Pondering it for a moment, Castiel replied, "Lazarus Rising."  
"Oh! That's a good one!" Paula agreed. "The angel Castiel is my favorite character. I wish I could meet a real angel, just like Dean did."  
Castiel was so thankful that he wasn't human. If he was, his cheeks would have flushed a bright red. It would have been a dead giveaway.  
"Real angels are in your life. I promise you that," Castiel declared. Paula beamed in delight.  
"You know, you sort of look like the angel Castiel, with the trenchcoat," Paula pointed out.  
Castiel was quick to change the subject. "Which book is your favorite?"  
Without hesitation, Paula stated, "Lucifer Rising and Two Minutes to Midnight. I can't choose between them. I've read them both about twenty times."  
Trying to conceal a shudder at the memory of those awful days, Castiel asked, "Those were such sad stories. Why are they your favorites?"  
"Well, Two Minutes to Midnight is just awesome… Dean getting to meet Death and Pestilence! Imagine, getting payback on the being that caused Cancer, AIDS, even the God awful common cold!"  
Castiel could not contain a quick smile. Of course it would seem cool to a young lady reading what she assumed to be a fictional novel. In retrospect, it was cool, having tamed one of Creation's worst monsters and making an uneasy truce with the entity that humans feared most in the world. But, it was also painful. How could she understand the dizzying headaches from the Meningitis and the burn in his loins from the Syphilis? How could she relate to the unbearable pain of watching Dean in agony? How could she comprehend the fear Castiel felt when Dean confronted Death Himself?  
"And, as for Lucifer Rising, well, this will probably sound silly," Paula continued. "But I am the world's biggest Destiel shipper. And Lucifer Rising is the first time you see how much Castiel loves Dean. Castiel loves Dean enough to turn away from Heaven and lose all of his angel friends. It's so beautiful!! Paula frowned. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"  
The pain became too much for Castiel. Everything Paula had just said could not have been more accurate. Castiel had liked Dean from the moment that he rescued him from Hell. They grew closer and closer as time progressed. But, when Dean begged Castiel for the chance to save humanity from the apocalyptic battle between Michael and Lucifer, and Castiel deceived Zacariah for Dean, it was all over. When Castiel carved his hand open in order to save Dean from destruction at the hands of the archangels, Castiel knew that he loved Dean Winchester. Love was still a fuzzy concept to him, and he didn't quite know how the depth of his feelings. But, in Lucifer Rising, Castiel realized that he did love Dean.  
It had been Castiel's intention to keep his hurt to himself. He hadn't even noticed that her description of his affection for Dean, albeit through fictional characters to Paula's knowledge, had caused him to wince. But he could feel the furrow in his brow now, the pit in his stomach, the urge to cry, scream and get drunk all at the same time.  
Before he could answer, Paula handed him a bottle of water with the hotel's insignia on the label. Angels did not need water, and he doubted that it would ease any of his symptoms even a little bit. But Paula was so kind, and real kindness had been absent in his life for a very long time. Of late, Castiel had known nothing but death, grief, war, distrust, resentment, struggle and fear. It had grown tiresome long ago.  
So, Castiel sipped the water. It was cold. Humans loved cold water, even though it hurt their bodies. It tasted of hydrogen and oxygen, which wasn't very pleasant.  
Then, Paula placed her tiny hand on top of Castiel's. Even though her skin was icy, Castiel felt warmth rushing through him. Kindness was much more powerful than Castiel could have ever imagined. It wasn't that she was curing him the way that he could with his angelic powers. The hurt was still in every inch of his being. But, a part of him that he'd put to sleep for so long was stirring at her touch. He found that he liked that part of him being awake.  
"Mr. Jones? Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?" Paula asked, concerned.  
"No, no, I'm okay," Castiel answered. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm not really sick. I'm…" he hesitated, but not for long. For some reason, Castiel felt like he could trust Paula. "...I'm sad."  
"If you don't mind my asking, what's wrong?"  
Castiel said, "I had to leave someone I love."  
"You have a broken heart," Paula whispered. Castiel nodded, looking down at the floor. "Oh, I'm so sorry." Still holding his hand, she led him to one of the leather couches. "Why don't you sit on down and relax. You still look a little pekid." They sat down on the couch. "Would you like to talk about it?"  
Castiel murmured, "I don't want to keep you from your work."  
"It's okay. I need a break from the rush," Paula laughed, gesturing to the empty room.  
For a moment, Castiel considered just what he should tell Paula. Some details could not be revealed, such as the truth about Jack the nephilim and the circumstances of Mary's death. But, he could share some of his story with her. It just might do him some good, opening up to an outsider.  
"I was living with my best friend and his brother. Everything was good. But their mother died, and my best friend couldn't take it. He has been angry all the time, and he kept pushing me away. We had one last bad fight, and I left our bunk...er apartment. I left our apartment," Castiel relayed.  
"Oh, oh that's so sad. I'm so sorry."  
"My best friend and his brother, they're the only real family I've ever had. I feel like I've lost everything."  
Paula bit her lip. "Do you mind if i tell you what I think?" Castiel nodded. "Well, I think you did the right thing, giving your friend some space. He needs to heal, and some people need to be alone to do that. But, please, don't stay away too long. Your friend, once he gets past his anger at his mother's death, and he thinks he's lost you too, well, it's gonna hurt like hell. He's going to need you. All I'm trying to say is, don't give up on him, or yourself. If you need him in your life, don't let him go without a fight. You deserve happiness too. Don't lose sight of that, either."  
Moved almost to tears by her words, Castiel could only murmur a simple, heartfelt, "Thank you."  
"You're welcome." She paused again. "If I'm completely honest with you, I think there's more to it than you've told me, but it isn't my place to press."  
Shaking his head, Castiel inquired, "How old are you?"  
"I'm twenty-two."  
"You're so young to be so wise."  
"It's the wisdom of experience, unfortunately. When I was a junior in high school, I was dating a senior named Eli. He was so handsome, and he had the most amazing car that his dad had given him for his birthday. I was head over heels for him. One night, we went to a party at one of his friend's house. It was a wild party, lots of drinking and drugs. It wasn't really my scene. I was always more of a bookworm, but Eli wanted to go. So, we went to the party, and we started drinking: a lot. At one point, I went to the bathroom. When I came back, I saw Eli kissing a cheerleader named Nadine. I flipped out. I started screaming and crying. I told him to go to hell and that I never wanted to see him again. He told me that he didn't need this. He stormed out. We heard tires squealing. A short while later, Eli called my phone, but I didn't answer.  
"Early the next morning, the police showed up at my house. Eli had been calling me when he lost control and crashed into a tractor trailer head on."  
Paula's voice cracked. This time, it was Castiel's turn to touch her hand. "I'm sorry. That's awful."  
"His parents wouldn't let me attend the funeral. They told me it was my fault he died. I went crazy with grief and guilt. I overdosed on my mother's sleeping pills. While the doctors were trying to save me, I swear I saw Eli. He told me to get back and make better choices for the both of us. The doctors told my parents that my fate was in God's hands. God decided that I should live, and now I live for Him."  
"That's why you want to be a pastor," Castiel commented.  
"Yes! And when I have my own church, I'll offer youth groups and AA meetings. That way I can help kids avoid the paths Eli and I took."  
"That's a beautiful thing you're going to do, Paula. God will be...very pleased with you." Castiel hoped she could not hear his complete lack of belief in his own statement.  
"And, what I want to tell you is, well, please don't leave any hurt feelings between you and your friend. Apologize to him, forgive him, tell him you love him. You never know which moment will be the last," Paula advised.  
For hours, Castiel and Paula chatted. They discussed every possible topic, from their favorite entertainment to religion to politics to their favorite foods. Castiel enjoyed her company. It was nice, not worrying about the apocalypse and hunting and demons and killer angels. More than that, this distraction from their breakup was blissful.  
At around four in the morning, and wow had time had flown by, the front door opened. Paula rose to return to her desk, so that she could assist the guest. Her welcoming smile flipped to an uneasy frown when two men in all black clothing and hoods over their heads entered the lobby.  
"Welcome to Rojo Roof! Can I help…"  
One of the men aimed a gun at Paula, while his partner did the same to Castiel. Castiel stared at Paula with pity. Her whole body began to shake as the man came closer to her. In a weak voice, she begged them not to hurt her and her friend.  
"Shut up! Just do as we say, and no one gets hurt!" The man grabbed a hold of Paula's arm and hovered over her at her desk. "Log in to this computer, now!"  
With shaky hands, Paula obeyed. Once she was finished, the man shoved her and ordered her to sit next to Castiel. The man laughed as he harvested the identities and credit card information for thousands of hotel guests and rifled through the cash register. Meanwhile, the other man remarked about how good the big game would look on that huge TV.  
With each passing second, Castiel grew angrier. He was furious that those men were frightening Paula and robbing innocent people. But, he was also mad at himself. What kind of an angel would allow this to happen? But, what choice did he have? His powers were failing, and he had to preserve them for the imminent battle with Chuck.  
After locking the door, the man from the computer strolled up to Paula, a cocky smile on his face. Laughing, he waved her pocketbook in front of her, then passed it to his partner. Castiel's heart thudded as the man caressed Paula's face. She jerked closer to Castiel, which challenged the man.  
Pulling her to her feet, the man said, "You're a pretty one. Let's go have a little fun. What do you say?"  
"No! Please! I'm going to be a pastor! Please!" Paula pleaded, tears spilling from her big brown eyes.  
"Yeah, c'mon Karl. We gotta go," the man with the gun added. His fearful eyes darted uneasily between the hostages and the front door.  
"Just shut up! There's nothing to worry about!" Karl tugged Paula, placing a hand where it did not belong. "C'mon Sweetheart…"  
Castiel had had enough.  
"Let her go. You got your money. Now get out of here," Castiel stated. The men just ignored him.  
So, Castiel leaped off of the couch and stood toe-to-toe with the man with the gun.  
"Mr. Jones! No! He'll kill you!" Paula cried out.  
Before the man with the gun could twitch towards the trigger, Castiel placed his fingers on his temple. A second later, the man collapsed onto the floor. Paula gasped in astonishment.  
Castiel turned his attention on Karl and Paula then. Determined now, he charged forward. As the angel came closer, Karl aimed his weapon and fired. Paula let out a horrified wail. The sound was unlike anything Castiel had ever heard.  
Without missing a beat, Castiel stormed up to Karl. To Paula's amazement and Karl's terror, not one drop of blood stained Castiel's tan trench coat. He showed no signs of injury whatsoever. Just as he had done with the co-conspirator, Castiel touched Karl's forehead, and Karl fell to the floor with a loud thud.  
"Are you okay?" Castiel asked, embracing Paula. She shivered and sobbed in his arms. She nodded.  
"How… how did you…" she stuttered.  
"I haven't been completely forthcoming with you," Castiel admitted. "Jones is an alias. My name is Castiel. I am an Angel of the Lord."  
"'Castiel'?" Recognition crossed her face.  
"The Supernatural books are nonfiction. Everything in it is real."  
"The best friend you're heartbroken about…"  
Castiel nodded. "Dean."  
"And his brother…"  
"Sam."  
Paula threw her arms back around Castiel. "This is so amazing! Thanks be to God! Thank you so much for saving me."  
"You've saved me too, Paula." Castiel thought for a moment. "I know what I have to do now."  
Castiel rose to his feet, then helped her up. "Where will you go?" Paula inquired.  
"Wherever I'm needed."  
"Will I ever see you again?"  
Castiel took ahold of her hand and pressed it to the cross around her neck. "If you ever really need me, just say a prayer to me. I'll come if I am able."  
Paula nodded. "Are you going to see Dean?"  
"I think you're right. He needs more time."  
"Did I completely embarrass myself saying that I ship Destiel?"  
Castiel chuckled. "No, you're fine. The truth is, I wish he loved me like I love him."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The hunt. The awkward phone call where Dean chastised Castiel for ignoring Sam's messages. Castiel's decision to return to the Winchesters.  
The trip to Hell. Rowena's warning about fixing the rift between them before it was too late.  
Dean and Castiel discuss the memories Castiel imprinted on Michael. Michael's aid in the spell to lock Chuck in the cage.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 3  
Purgatorio

The rift to Purgatory danced in the middle of the bunker, inviting them in. Memories of their time in Purgatory lingered in their minds. For Dean, it had been pure. For Castiel, it had been penance for his sins, but it had also been a constant struggle to protect Dean. They were about to get back on the merry-go-round. The next twenty-four hours in Purgatory were going to be a living hell. Castiel faced another day of constant worrying about Dean and chasing after a flower he didn't know where to begin searching for. All the while, he would be avoiding vampires and leviathans, both hungry for revenge against the Angel who used to smite their brothers.  
This time would be much more difficult than the last. Last time, Dean cared for him. So much so that, Castiel thought it best to hide from Dean to keep him safe. This time, Dean had so much malice in his heart that it would take a lot of convincing to persuade Dean to cooperate with him.  
"I'm going alone," Dean declared.  
"Dean! No!" Castiel protested.  
"It's not up for discussion."  
"I'm coming with you."  
Dean glared at him. "Like Hell you are. You think I can trust you for a second after what happened with Rowena?"  
"I think you don't have a choice. Leviathan. Vampires. You can't take them all on alone."  
"I'll find Benny."  
"There's no guarantee you'll find Benny, and even if you do, you chopped off his head. Remember that?" Dean winced at the memory, and Castiel felt bad for touching a nerve. But he'd hoped he'd made his point. "Dean. Let me help."  
Without saying another word, Dean exited the room. This was a fight Dean would not win. If necessary, Castiel was prepared to use his powers to persuade Dean.  
Dean returned a few minutes later with a backpack full of water, food and weapons. Castiel tried to forget what it was like to need those things, but he never could. Being an angel was the most incredible thing in the world, but, sometimes, in secret, Castiel wished that he could be human. Not right now, though, not when he could enter Purgatory with no concern about thirst, hunger or safety.  
Even though they were in this thing together, the rift between them had not yet been filled it. Dean's defensive posture showed his lingering hard feelings towards the angel. In turn, Castiel was trying not to let the animosity break him down. Even though Dean was mad at him, Castiel still had to focus on protecting Dean.  
Still, Dean nodded to the angel and asked if he was ready. Knowing full well that Dean would hate it, Castiel stepped in front of Dean, closer to the portal. Dean grunted, but he placed a hand on the Angel's shoulder.  
In the blink of Dean's pretty green eyes, Castiel and Dean emerged in Purgatory. Castiel could hear Dean's uneasy breaths. He felt the same stress. Even though they had both survived an entire year here, and they knew that they could do it again, it was like going to bed on a different night and reliving the same nightmare in vivid detail.  
Vivid was not the right word. Nothing about Purgatory was vivacious. Blues, oranges, pinks and purples never painted the sky. Green grass never grew. Even the air and water in Purgatory was a shade of grey. Castiel could not imagine a flower🌹 thriving in Purgatory.  
Castiel's ears perked up. He could hear every drop of water flowing in the river and every dead leaf blowing in the breeze. But, much more important than any of those things, Castiel was listening for monsters. So far, the coast seemed clear.  
Since neither of them were sure of where to look first, they took off towards the river. They assumed that the flowers would need fresh water, and not much rain fell in Purgatory. Dean stomped a few steps ahead of Castiel, and despite the fact that Castiel was much better, faster and stronger, he stayed a few steps behind. That way, he had Dean's back, quite literally. At least, that was what he told himself.  
For miles and miles they trekked, in silence so loud it hurt Castiel's ears. Each time he tried to strike up a conversation with Dean, a one word answer was all he got. Dean still needed time. How much more time could he give him? How much more time did either of them have left?  
As evening approached and the light started to fade, Castiel stopped. He ordered Dean to do the same. His senses tingled. A second later, they both heard the crunching of leaves beneath heavy footsteps and agitated snarls.  
Three vampires circled around them, two males and one female. All three wore tattered old clothes that dated back to old Transylvania. The men were blonde with golden brown eyes. The woman had red curls and soulless brown eyes.  
Dean raised his knife and pushed his back against Castiel. Castiel slid an angel blade out of the long sleeve of his trenchcoat. The vampires hissed and bared their fangs.  
The female charged them, and the males followed close behind. Hungrier than the others, the female lunged for Dean. Castiel leaned to strike her with the angel blade, but the males jumped between him and Dean. To them, Dean smelled like a meal, while an angel would not. Castiel punched the male closest to him, stunning it enough so that he could stab it. Meanwhile, Dean swung at the other male and female, too busy trying to fend them off to gank them.  
Seeing Dean in danger, Castiel ripped the female off of her feet and threw her away from Dean. That left Dean to fight with the male. Dean lunged forward but was unable to decapitate the vampire. Castiel and the female exchanged punches. She was stealthy and proved a worthy adversary. At one point, she even knocked Castiel to the ground before he ended her with the gesture of his hand.  
As this was going on, The male vampire slammed Dean against a tree. Despite Dean's strength and skill, the vampire's speed and lust for blood and revenge could not be matched. The bones of Dean's ankle shattered when the vampire stepped on his foot, and Dean yelped in pain. The vampire smirked as he lowered his lips to Dean's throat.  
SWISH!  
The vampire's head rolled across the grass like a soccer ball. Without the monster holding him up, Dean collapsed, gripping his injured ankle. His sigh of relief at having survived the attack gave way to anguished groans.  
Castiel rushed to Dean's side as he struggled to get upright. He reached a hand out to help Dean, but Dean jerked away from him. It didn't make sense to Castiel. Dean had a very serious injury in a very dangerous place. Any help an angel could give should have been welcomed.  
"No," Dean barked, shooing the angel away with his hand. But the pain was too great. He slammed into the tree, using it to hold himself up. "I don't need your help."  
No more could Castiel take. "Enough is enough, Dean. Why don't you want anything to do with me?"  
"You knew about Jack, and you kept it to yourself. And he killed my mother!" Dean responded. "Forgive me if I don't want to paint your nails and have lingerie pillow fights with you."  
"You've blamed me for Mary for months, and I've tolerated it because I know how you are and how you deal with pain. But enough is enough. It is not my fault that Jack killed Mary. Sam knows that. Deep down, you know it too," Castiel pointed out, feeling a heavy weight lifting off of him.  
"Don't try to bring Sam into this. Sam isn't the one who had to bury our mother twice." Dean sucked his teeth, his foot throbbing.  
Rolling his eyes, Castiel walked over to Dean. His fingers landed on Dean's ankle, fixing all of the broken bones. Dean wiggled his foot and put pressure on it. It felt so much better, but Dean still would not move from the tree to face Castiel.  
"Tell me what's really bothering you," Castiel requested, determined to win his best friend back.  
"I've told you. My mother's burned bones is what's bothering me," Dean answered.  
"Don't lie to me. I can tell when you're lying."  
"Dammit, Cas!" In lieu of his usual tone of annoyance, it came out as a desperate, sad plea.  
"Tell me the truth!" Castiel demanded.  
Dean clutched the tree. Never before had Castiel ever seen his friend so vulnerable. It took all of Castiel's restraint not to wrap Dean in his wings and console him. But it would not have been a good idea. If he tried, Dean would probably pluck out his feathers one by one. Still, Dean reminded Castiel of a lonesome child that longed for the protection of his mother's arms.  
"I love you Cas," Dean admitted at last, his voice shaky. Castiel's entire demeanour softened at this tremendous surprise. "I know it's wrong. I shouldn't think about you that way. But no matter how hard I try, I just can't stop it. I've loved you for a long time, and I've tried to pretend I don't. But you've never trusted me like I trust you, and I hate that. My mom's death gave me an excuse to push you away before I got myself hurt." Dean sniffled, burying his face in the tree. He sniggered. "You ready to lock me up in Bobby's panic room yet?"  
"Dean," Castiel whispered. "Look at me." With pink, teary eyes, Dean glanced at the angel. "I love you too."  
"You better not say something like that if you don't mean it," Dean trembled, a tear rolling down his cheek.  
"I thought that you could never love me. It's all I've ever wanted." Castiel stepped closer to Dean.  
"But… what will people say if we…"  
Before Dean could finish his thought, Castiel pushed his back against the tree and pinned him there. Castiel could hear Dean's heart pounding; he could smell his adrenaline, excitement and fear. The knees of Castiel's vessel almost buckled with nerves and anticipation.  
Castiel kissed Dean Winchester. At first, Dean resisted a little, a look of unease on his handsome face. But Dean soon melted into Castiel, closing his eyes and returning his kiss.  
Everything about this was so wrong. They both knew it. Castiel had committed one of Heaven's greatest sins when he fell in love with a human. Not to mention the prejudice and stigma that would follow them from intolerant people: though, Castiel suspected that would be more of a problem for Dean. It would be a constant struggle for self control for Castiel. If he lost himself for even a second, with his incredible strength, he could hurt Dean without meaning to. Everything about this was so wrong.  
Yet, when they parted from their first kiss, it didn't feel wrong. For the first time in Castiel's existence, he felt whole. For the first time since he left the bunker after Rowena's death, the Fulfilment and Warmth replaced the Coldness and Emptiness.  
Castiel had kissed Meg, and he'd made love to a treacherous angel. Those were great. But this was different. This kiss was what he'd seen happen to characters in movies. This was the gift cupids gave to human soul mates. This was what brought Sleeping Beauty and Snow White back from the grave.  
This was a True Love's Kiss.  
Castiel ached for more. He wanted to feel Dean's body pressed up against his again. He wanted to hear their hearts beating as one.  
But Purgatory was not the place for it. 

"For No One" by Paul McCartney

Verse 1]  
Your day breaks, your mind aches  
You find that all her words of kindness linger on  
When she no longer needs you  
She wakes up, she makes up  
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry  
She no longer needs you

[Chorus]  
And in her eyes, you see nothing  
No sign of love behind her tears  
Cried for no one  
A love that should have lasted years

[Verse 2]  
You want her, you need her  
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead  
You think she needs you

[Chorus]  
And in her eyes you see nothing  
No sign of love behind her tears  
Cried for no one  
A love that should have lasted years

[Verse 3]  
You stay home, she goes out  
She says that long ago she knew someone  
But now he's gone, she doesn't need him  
Your day breaks, your mind aches  
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head  
You won't forget her


	2. Leviathan Blossom 🌸

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel have confessed their love for each other. Hooray!! But they still have to search for the Leviathan Blossom, evade all the monsters and escape Purgatory before the portal closes.

Chapter 4  
Leviathan Blossom 🌸

Time was moving much faster than they were. If they didn't hurry, the portal would close. They would either be trapped in Purgatory again or return to the bunker without the Leviathan Blossom. Determined to stop Chuck, they pressed onward. This time, they walked side by side, stealing gooey glances at each other every so often.   
At one point, Castiel jumped from a sharp pain in his ribs. Dean had elbowed him and, with a teasing smile, warned him to quit grinning like a possessed clown. It was creepy. But Castiel couldn't help it. He'd experienced what no angel was meant to: a True Love's Kiss. Dean was Castiel's True Love. And he was so much more than Castiel ever dreamed he would have in his existence.   
So, how could Castiel not be thrilled!!  
They hiked and hiked for hours, until the moon climbed as high as it could in the sky. Dean's breathing grew heavy and his steps slower. It was clear that he could not continue at this pace.   
"You need to rest," Castiel stated. He pointed to a log by the river.  
Dean shook his head. "No. I'm fine."  
But his stomach growled as he spoke, and Castiel insisted, "Just have something to eat. I'll keep watch."  
Begrudgingly, Dean nodded. As soon as he sat down in the grass and leaned against the log, he seemed content with their decision to take a break. After fishing through the backpack, Castiel presented a bottle of water and a BLT to his beau.   
But, the moss on the log acted as a pillow and the flow of the stream a soothing lullaby. Castiel removed his trench coat and draped it over Dean like a blanket. For a while, Castiel stood over Dean and smiled. Dean never liked it when Castiel watched him sleep. It scared him, then made him angry. But, it made Castiel happy to watch Dean sleep. In his golden slumber, Dean looked so peaceful: all of the enormous weight he carried fell off of his shoulders. It was comforting to Castiel to be nearby when Dean slept. After all, in sleep humans were so susceptible to danger.   
The crunch of a blade of grass startled Castiel. Clutching the angel blade, Castiel turned in the direction of the sound and started walking towards it. He hoped that it was just one. He wanted to be able to handle it himself so that Dean could relax some more.   
It took seconds for the monsters to surround Castiel. They circled around him, chortling and flashing their sharp teeth. Castiel looked to Dean, who remained fast asleep beneath his trench coat.   
Castiel would die, and the Empty would incarcerate him. When he learned that Dean Winchester loved him, Castiel felt true happiness. Now, the Empty was coming for him, just as it had promised it would when he reached a moment of such joy. As long as Dean was okay, and he thought they were far enough away that Dean had a chance to survive, then, Castiel was okay with dying. He wished that he could have more time with Dean, and he hated the thought of leaving him and Sam to face Chuck on their own. But he'd saved Jack and experienced a True Love's Kiss with Dean Winchester. Now, he would live up to his part of the deal.   
To Castiel's amazement, one of the monster's heads landed at his feet. Confusion struck first, then chaos. But the surprise of the attack gave Castiel an opportunity. He gutted one of the beasts with the angel blade as another one battled with his saviour. Another monster 👹 headed in the saviour's direction, and Castiel stabbed it in the back. Due to the darkness, he still couldn't quite figure out who was helping him, though he had an idea and was so very hopeful.   
Smash! Castiel felt tremendous pain as one of the monsters knocked him to the ground. It climbed on top of him and began to kick and punch. Castiel punched back, but he could not slip away from the beast. It's huge mouth opened wide enough to swallow a basset hound whole. Castiel closed his eyes and prayed to his fellow angels for Dean's health and happiness. He prayed that Dean would always be protected, and that he would not grieve Castiel too hard. Castiel could never hurt Dean, even in Death.  
Goodbye Dean. I love you.  
Instead of feeling any pain, Castiel heard a gunshot, then a horrifying scream. When he opened his eyes, he saw Dean standing above a dying monster, gun still aimed at its head. He was panting, and there was a wildness in his eyes that changed to concern as he bent down to check on Castiel.   
"Are you okay?" Dean asked, helping Castiel to his feet and giving him a once over.  
"I'm fine." Castiel pointed to the stranger in the dark. "Thanks to him."  
The figure emerged from the shadows. Dean was so overcome with joy that he almost burst into tears. A twinge of irrational jealousy pricked Castiel, and he did his best to just ignore it.   
"Benny!"  
Dean and Benny shared a long hug. "It's good to see you, Brother," Benny said with a smile. He turned to Castiel. "And you too, Crazy Aunt."  
Head tilted in confusion, as he still didn't understand that joke, Castiel whispered with sincerity, "Thank you for saving us."   
Castiel and Benny shook hands.  
Thinking back on their last stint in Purgatory, Castiel realized that he'd been unfair to Benny. He didn't like the idea of Dean befriending an abomination. The fact that Benny could drink Dean's blood and drain him to death bothered Castiel more than words could ever say. But Benny had proven himself a loyal friend to Dean, and he'd saved Dean, Castiel and Sam on multiple occasions. He hadn't attacked any humans when they returned to Earth. He even agreed to rescue Sam from Purgatory after Sam had threatened to kill him.  
Benny had always been an ally. Without him, Dean would never have escaped Purgatory. For Dean's safety, Castiel owed Benny everything. Now, Castiel considered himself lucky to call Benny a friend.  
"You guys back to visit me?" Benny jested.   
"We're looking for a Leviathan Blossom. 🌸" Castiel answered.  
"We need it for a spell," Dean added. "God's gone gonzo and we need to take Him out."  
Benny's eyes widened. "You're going to kill God?"  
"Not kill Him. Cast Him away like He did to Lucifer," Castiel explained.   
"Do you know where we can find one?" Dean asked.  
With a nod, Benny told them, "Sure. C'mon."  
Together, the three old friends marched through the forests of Monster Heaven. It was easy for them to imagine that no time had passed. Just like that, they were back in 2012, searching for the human escape portal out of Purgatory.   
As they walked, Dean and Castiel filled Benny in about everything that had been going on since he'd sacrificed himself for Sam. Benny listened with interest at their tales of Jack's birth and death at the hand of a vengeful Chuck, Lucifer's attempts to take his son, the emergence of Amara the Darkness and how both Dean and Castiel would bear the Mark of Cain. They told him how the Leviathan Blossom 🌸 would allow them to keep Chuck at bay without jeopardizing the natural balance. They'd learned the importance of that balance the hard way when they'd tried to torch Amara. Amara damaged Chuck, which almost destroyed the earth.   
They hiked for hours, and Castiel started to worry. Soon the sun 🌞 brought its warmth and light. If they did not hurry, the portal Michael had opened for them would close. If they failed, the world would be in great danger.   
Castiel worried about Dean, too. As Supernatural beings, Castiel and Benny could do without. Dean, however, could not. A strong and a proud man, he'd never admit it. But he needed food, water and rest. They'd been going for more than a day with little of any of those things. It troubled Castiel that Dean could make himself very sick if he kept this up.  
Benny stopped in front of a small waterfall and pointed to a garden of little plants that looked something like Aloe Vera. His nose twitched, which caused Castiel to reach for the angel blade. But no monsters appeared, and they relaxed. While Castiel dug up one of the blossoms, Dean sat down and chugged his bottle of water.   
"How'd you know this was here?" Castiel asked, wrapping the plant in a piece of cloth.   
Benny indicated a cramped, dark rock cavern. "That's my home. I've taken out a Leviathan or two over the years. A Leviathan dies, I get another flower in my yard."   
"Thank you, Benny," Castiel said.  
"We're running out of time. Let's start back," Dean suggested, rising to his feet. Castiel and Dean took a few steps, but Benny did not follow. "All of us."  
Benny shook his head. "I belong here, Brother. I don't belong on the outside."  
Dean retraced his steps so that he was back beside Benny. Wanting to give them some privacy, Castiel stayed put. It didn't make much of a difference, either way. He could hear them just as well from there as he could from up close. They both knew that, but he was sure they appreciated his attempts to be respectful.   
"Please come back with us." Dean's voice was shaky, and he was almost begging, except that Dean said that men did not do that with other men.   
"Dean…" Through Benny's thick Cajun accent, it came out sounding more like 'Dane.'   
"It won't be like it was last time! I know I let you down. You saved me and Cas and Sam and Bobby. Without you I wouldn't have any family. And I turned my back on you. And I think about that every day. I'll burn for that. But give me a chance. I can never pay back all you've done for me, but I'll go out trying: that's for damn sure."   
Dean's lip quivered, and he looked down at the ground to hide it. Everything that Dean had just said was the Lord's truth. Many nights, Castiel heard Dean pray for Benny's safety. He'd told the angel more than once how much he regretted how he'd treated Benny. More than anything, he longed to atone for what he'd done to his friend.   
Castiel told himself over and over that he wouldn't intervene. This was between the two of them. Also, he knew that Dean wouldn't like it if Castiel butted in.   
Dean's eyes swelled up in the heartbreaking way they did when he was trying not to cry. Okay, as Dean would say, Screw that! If Benny didn't agree to accompany them, Castiel would use his powers and carry the vampire himself.  
Without uttering a word, Benny nodded and joined Dean and Castiel. Relief washed over Dean's face like cool water on a hot day. Castiel was pleased that Dean would be able to make up for the past, and it would be a blessing to have another loyal friend in their upcoming struggle.  
Still, Castiel couldn't help but wonder if this was best for Benny. Benny had no friends in the outside world, apart from the Winchesters and Castiel. The vampires disliked him. Around humans, there always remained the miniscule threat that Benny would feed. It was unsafe for him to be around his granddaughter, Elizabeth. When they got topside, Benny would now be involved in a war with God. The magnitude of asking a friend to be a part of this battle was immeasurable.   
But, Castiel kept those thoughts to himself. Benny had made his decision. Dean had his chance at redemption. Castiel would protect Benny like the family member that he was. To Castiel's delighted surprise, Dean loved him back. The Leviathan Blossom would complete their spell. Overall, things were going very well.  
Just as the minutes on Dean's timer dwindled close to zero, they reached the seal. Dean rolled up his sleeve, angled the knife above his forearm and took a deep breath. Blood trickled down his arm, and he exhaled. He passed the knife to Benny, who mimicked his actions. Then, they pressed their wounds together while Dean chanted in Latin.  
Benny's soul burst into a bright golden light. Groans of pain escaped Dean's lips. Castiel clasped Dean's shoulder as Dean's body absorbed Benny's form and endured the discomfort that came along with it. When it was done, Dean's arm was swollen red and glimmering.  
With that, Dean and Castiel bid Purgatory goodbye. Castiel followed Dean back through the seam. A few seconds after their safe arrival in the bunker, the portal closed, just as Michael had promised. Castiel stored the Leviathan Blossom with the other ingredients for the spell. Meanwhile, Dean changed his clothes and resupplied his backpack with more food and drinks.   
Then, it was off to the Impala. They had to drive to Louisiana to bind Benny's soul back to his body. It would be at least a day's drive from Kansas to Louisiana, perhaps more. Castiel worried that if Dean kept right on going with no sleep, he would make himself very sick. If only Dean was more open to it, Castiel could teleport them to Louisiana and back in half the time it would take them to reach the Kansas state line. But Dean hated teleporting almost as much as he hated flying. Almost.   
"Do you want me to drive?" Castiel offered.   
Dean shut the trunk, then placed a hand on the door. He hesitated for a few seconds, then tossed the keys to Castiel. This was huge. Dean did not trust anyone with his Baby. When Sam drove, Dean criticized him from the moment he turned the car on until they closed the doors behind them at their final destination. That was why Sam never drove.   
Of course, Castiel and Sam understood. The Impala was all Dean had left of his parents. The Impala was the only real home the boys had ever had. She was more than just a car. She was family. If anything were to happen to the Impala, it would break Dean's heart.  
With that in mind, Castiel drove as carefully as he could. He never exceeded the speed limit, nor did he ever neglect a turn signal. It would take an eternity to reach Louisiana, but it was worth it if it put Dean at ease.  
And it did. Castiel's over cautious driving and the soothing purr of the Impala's engine lulled Dean into a deep sleep. Every so often, Castiel would steal a glimpse of Dean. He was so beautiful when he slept. Castiel could not believe how lucky he was. Dean loved him. Castiel had loved Dean for so long, and he never dared to dream that Dean would love him back. But he did. Dean loved him.   
As he drove along the empty, dark highway with no other cars in sight, Castiel's mind drifted back to the first time he met Dean. His soul had endured unimaginable torture at the hand of Alistair in Hell. He'd been coerced into unwittingly starting the apocalypse. He was brash, cocky and distrustful. Yet, Castiel cared for him right from the get go, much to the dismay of his fellow angels. He could see that Dean was strong, brave, cool and caring, but also very vulnerable. It didn't take Castiel long to realize that Dean was everything Castiel never knew he needed. Now that he knew it, Castiel could never imagine returning to a life void of Dean's love.  
"Cas?" Dean yawned. Cas smiled. "Where are we?"  
"Near Little Rock, Arkansas," Castiel answered. Dean rubbed his glowing arm, and Castiel frowned. "Are you alright?"   
"Benny's swimming laps in there." Dean winced. "Hey, Cas… About what happened in Purgatory…"  
Castiel waited for Dean to finish that thought, but he stopped speaking. So Castiel interjected, "It's okay, Dean. We're still us. Nothing has to change."  
Damn those words. Castiel hated that he even thought them: let alone said them. It was not what he wanted at all. Well, even that was not the complete truth. All Castiel wanted was for Dean to be happy. If that meant locking themselves up in the proverbial closet, then so be it.   
"Don't be a fool, Cas. Everything's changed," Dean remarked. Castiel squinted his eyes, trying to comprehend. "We pissed off God. Our days are numbered. I'm not going to waste them."  
"What are you saying?" Castiel asked.  
"I'm not saying we're going to candle lit dinners and romantic walks on the beach," Dean huffed. "But I do want…"  
Dean couldn't finish that thought, but Castiel's warm smile made it clear that he didn't have to. "Me too, Dean."   
After a bathroom and burger break, Dean reclaimed his throne behind the wheel of the Impala. When he was driving, Dean always seemed so self assured. Castiel loved watching Dean drive.   
Every so often, Dean would groan and rub his arm. Benny didn't like being cooped up in there, and he found it hard to be still for so many hours. It was uncomfortable for Dean. Castiel placed a hand on Dean's arm. If he healed him, it might harm Benny. They couldn't risk that. But it was consoling all the same, and Dean appreciated it.

The balmy Louisiana air made the task even more challenging. It was hot and difficult to breathe in this muggy, swampy climate. Sweat made Dean's body sparkle in the light of the full moon. To Castiel, he could not have been any more beautiful. But, he willed himself to focus on their work instead of his incredible man, difficult as that was. Together they dug and dug until they struck their gold.  
They unearthed the bones and laid them in the grass. Then, Dean pressed the knife to his arm again. Once he felt Castiel's supportive grip, he sliced into his skin. He chanted the Latin spell, freeing Benny from his arm with an explosion that stung him like a swarm of bees. 🐝. With Benny's spirit out of his body, Castiel healed the cut on Dean's arm.   
Dean pulled Benny into a tight hug. Pushing his envy aside as best he could, Castiel grinned. He knew what Benny meant to Dean. In Benny's eyes, he could see the brotherly love that he had for Dean. It occurred to Castiel that Benny came back to life to make Dean happy, and Castiel couldn't have been more grateful to him.  
On the ride back to the bunker, the three friends discussed their plans for the upcoming battle against Chuck. What was yet to come would be awful. Castiel would have to bear the Mark of Cain. The Mark of Cain had given Dean the power to kill the Knight of Hell Abbadon, but it had made him sick with murderous rage. It had also turned him into a Deanmon, which led to a painful purified blood injection 💉 treatment that almost killed him. An angel bearing the Mark could lead to unforeseeable, unimaginable consequences. The possible effects of the Mark scared Castiel, though he would never mention it to Dean.   
But, the presence of their old friend gave them a boost of confidence. They knew that Benny would always have their backs. They knew that they could do it together: Sam, Dean, Cas and Benny. Having each other made it seem a little less overwhelming. 

Benny liked the Bunker. The boys gave him a room, even though, like Castiel, the vampire did not sleep. Dean also showed him a secret fridge full of left over donated blood from Dean's blood cure, for when Benny needed to feed. Benny likened it to his own private buffet.   
After they brought Sam home from his ordeal with Chuck, Sam's eyes widened in surprise when he saw Benny. Much like his brother had done, he immediately pulled the vampire into an embrace, which made Dean very happy. Castiel and everybody else knew how much it meant to Dean that his family welcomed Benny as one of their own. For Sam, that had been way too much to ask, and Dean and Benny had both suffered as a result of his selfishness. The guilt of how he had treated Benny had haunted Sam for years, much as it had Dean.  
"It's so good to see you!" Sam cheered as they let go of each other.   
Benny just nodded. Even though he'd saved Sam for Dean's sake, he'd never forgotten the hell Sam had put him through. Even in the midst of Benny's attempt to rescue Sam from Purgatory, Sam still treated him like a monster. Sam had long since changed his mind about Benny but had never gotten the chance to tell him. The silence hit Sam with another pang of regret.   
"Listen, Benny, I never got to thank you, for getting me and Bobby out of Purgatory," Sam said in a serious, sincere voice.   
"Well, you're welcome. Maybe now you won't try to kill me anymore," Benny answered with indifference.  
Sam had always been sensitive, much more so than his older brother, father and Bobby. When he made a mistake, he would ruminate over it for days. When his loved ones didn't forgive his transgressions, it was almost more than he could bear. It hurt him deep inside knowing that he'd been mean to Benny and that Benny had not yet let it go.  
"Benny, I was wrong about you," Sam admitted, his eyes turning a shade of pink. Castiel had always thought that Dean kept much too tight a lid on his emotions, and he never understood how Dean's little brother's emotions had no lid whatsoever. "And, honestly, I was just plain jealous of you. My brother trusted you more than he did me. But it was my fault. I left Dean and Cas in Purgatory, and you got them out. How I treated you, it was all because I was jealous, and I'm sorry."   
Benny turned to Dean. "You were right. I'm glad I didn't underestimate your little brother." Sam smiled. With that, all was forgiven.  
The boys shared beers and started to unwind. Since Sam had allowed Chuck to destroy the Leviathan Blossom spell, they had no plans on how to defeat Him. The future Chuck had shown him had smashed Sam's heart into thousands of pieces. It had helped to make amends with Benny, but he missed Eileen, who realized that she'd only loved him because Chuck had made it so. (Thankfully, Dean and Castiel did not have to worry about that: God, Cupid and the angels would never approve of a relationship between a human and a rogue angel.) So, they drank. Though they were trying to drown the day's sorrows, they also wanted to celebrate Benny's return.  
Just the right amount of alcohol managed to lift their spirits right up. Sam was guffawing over Benny's inability to shoot crumpled papers into the garbage can, while Benny laughed at how Sam spilled his beer with each sip. When they thought nobody was looking, Castiel and Dean stole private glances at each other and giggled. So help them God, they were actually giggling. If anybody caught them, and, when they sobered up in the morning, Dean would die of embarrassment.   
With a deep yawn, Dean stretched and stood up. "See you in the morning, fellas."  
On the way to his bedroom, Dean reached his hand out to Castiel. Taking Dean's hand, Castiel pulled himself to his feet. Castiel was so excited that he found it hard to walk straight. Dean never let him watch him sleep, despite knowing how good it made Castiel feel. Finally, Castiel could pass a peaceful night without worrying about any harm befalling Dean.  
When they heard Dean's bedroom door slam shut, Benny turned to Sam and said, "I thought they'd never admit they're in love."  
Taking a swig of beer, Sam agreed, "It took them long enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Supernatural 15x9 was one of the best episodes I've ever seen!! Dean's prayer to Castiel had me in tears. But it broke my heart that they killed Benny. I just couldn't let that happen. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story. It means the world to me. God bless you all!! 😻


End file.
